For Father’s Day, Tristan gave his Dad a matching motorcycle shirt. Tristan enjoyed signing the motorcycle card and handing his Dad a gift. Riding on Dad’s motorcycle is a shared hobby. Tristan loves emulating his Dad in different ways; it is cute to watch. Tristan just loves being with his Dad doing anything. They have a special bond that is a delight to watch. Even when the moments are challenging, I am thankful that Brian has always been there for Tristan. To all the Dads raising special needs children, Happy Father’s Day!
On all our visits with Tristan since May, he has been trying to tell us something. It kind of sounds like “uncle.” In fact, the first weekend in May, we took him to a hotel for a shorter overnight visit. He would repeat this word over and over. We were not sure what the exact word was, so we did our best to distract him. It didn’t work out great, but what else could we do? Finally, I texted one of my brothers and asked if he would do a zoom call because Tristan keeps saying, “uncle.”
We enjoyed another successful communication weekend with Tristan. Only this time, he reached a new level in communication that we have never seen. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
He wanted to talk about his favorite things over and over and over, etc. So I took his tablet communication device and build a page with his favorite things. I made a schedule, so he knew “what was next.” He loved it so much he kept going back to it. Then he started verbalizing all these items. These are the preferred “conversations” with Tristan. Motorcycle ride. Mc Donald’s – and his entire usual order of chicken nuggets, French fries, BBQ sauce, chocolate milk. Church. Guitar. Cooking. Making Pizzas. YouTube. Movie Theatre – and his snack items which consist of popcorn, pop, and chips and cheese. If Tristan’s device was not right next to him, he would sign his thoughts. If we were not correct, he would repeat his word with a more clear annunciation. If we still didn’t understand, then he would find the button. This repetition went on for the complete 48-hour visit during waking hours.
At one point, Brian and I were trying to talk about something important. We finally had to tell Tristan to wait a minute; it is our turn to speak. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen!
The other behavior we noticed is even though he wanted to talk about all these things, he didn’t necessarily want them right at this moment. He just wanted us to know he was thinking about them. So this was definitely an area of growth! I kind of forgot how much sign language he has absorbed over the years. I had to quickly jog my memory when he was signing. He remembered words we have not used in a while.
Enjoy the lighter side of autism and a reminder to never keep up on communication skills! You just may be surprised someday. (Here is a picture of him making pizza’s for lunch. He loves cooking activities.)
I can not believe it was at the airport on June 4th that Tristan was handed to us. In the adoption world, this is known as a “Gotcha Day!” So… June 4th is special family day for us. Many years ago…We were about to embark on a parenting journey that we could have never imagined. Interesting. Lively. Heart-wrenching. Abounding in miracles. Empathy. Compassion.
This year we took Tristan on a day trip to Sandy Acres Clydesdales for a VIP Farm Tour. It was a lot of fun. Tristan got to feed the goats and the miniature donkeys slices of carrots. Tristan played on the goats’ toys! There was a toddler-sized slide that he kept eyeing. I told him he was too big. He still inched his body toward it and stood at the step. I told the owner, “Tristan thinks he is a toddler.” She gave him permission to slide down. However, his legs extended to the bottom. We all laughed. Down the slide, he went. (Don’t tell him he can’t do something! He will find a way.) Tristan seemed to enjoy petting the Clydesdale horses. In the end, we went into the barn and brushed a horse. Tristan was content with this activity. It was great to have a private VIP tour—lots of good family memories.
Tristan’s first weekend home was outstanding. However, one behavior we noticed is that he stopped communicating. Tristan did not want to sign, talk, or use his device. Sometimes I think it is due to his medications that have switched several times over the last few years. My heart was sad that he lost his interest and ability to communicate. I decided we would work on it when he was home as much as possible. I used his tablet loaded with Proloquo2go to ask him choices.
Last Friday night, Tristan was home for the weekend. All of a sudden, he started signing. He asked for popcorn, chips and cheese, and pop. Brian and I quickly realized that was his usual order at the movie theater we take him to. It has been over a year since we did that activity! Tristan got excited and flapped his arms when we asked him if he wanted to go to the movies. He said, “Yes,” Tristan went on to sign and say, “church.” We asked him if he wanted to go to church. He said, “Yes,” and twirled around in a circle several times. He then went on to give his McDonald’s order with his device. The usual order: chicken nuggets, barbeque sauce, French fries, and chocolate milk. We were very excited that he came out of “his world” to communicate with us! We could see the excitement in his eyes as he was understood.
We had a busy Saturday going to McDonald’s to pick up lunch and ate at a park. Then we went to the movie theatre for his snack order and watched a movie. Sunday morning, we went to church and listened to the music.
When communication increases, then frustration decreases, and that made a successful home visit!
Thinking back to the days when Tristan was younger, our primary goal for the day was to keep him safe. Many times that was a challenge, to say the least. To begin with, we were always trying to stay one step ahead of him, and sometimes we became one step behind! Brian and I would have to come up with a new solution. Forget safety locks/devices for children on the market; he would outwit them. Locks on doors were a big topic of conversation. I remember the first time I knew I was in trouble raising Tristan. I had someone over-purchasing an item. We were chatting at the kitchen table. We had the eye and hook locks on all the very tops of the doors. Tristan was about two years old. Tristan quietly grabbed the broom and walked over to my bedroom door. Suddenly, he erupted in laughter. Immediately, I looked over to where he was standing as I sat at the kitchen table. My mouth dropped open. He used the broom to unlatch the lock. I looked at this stranger and said, “Oh my goodness. I can not believe he just did that.” When it is a problem for Tristan to solve, his problem-solving skills are off the charts. Which means it becomes a problem for Mom & Dad to solve. This challenge played over and over as he continued to grow and develop. Looking back, I now conclude that many times this was a game to him. Tristan has sure made our life more full and fun! Enjoy another healthy dose of laughter from our home!
Finally, our Tristan was able to come home for a home visit! It has been a l-o-n-g fourteenth-month wait. Our home became lively with our forever toddler this weekend. YouTube played his favorite songs (the same ones over and over). Sleepless nights resumed. Melissa and Doug toys were brought out of the closet. Clean-up duty was continuous. Older brother, Jacob, interacted with Tristan. He gave him a few surprise snacks. Takeout was ordered at McDonald’s! It was a blast. We attended church for the music portion of the service. We would not change one minute of our time with our forever toddler. We had a blast and can not wait for the next visit in two weeks.
When Tristan was about 6 years old he would NEVER sit. He was always on the move. I had to chase my ever growing non-verbal “toddler” every waking moment. Most of the time I felt more like a security guard instead of a mom. Or maybe a life guard on land(not that one really exists). If something looked dangerous he would gravitate towards it. This went on for years…
Today is the day our journey with Tristan began. Finally, all the preparation had been done. Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork! Waiting, waiting, and more waiting! Of course, we had no idea how the road would bend and curve. We would climb uphill and enjoy the glide down! We did not have much knowledge about autism. In little ways, God had prepared our hearts. Given the choice I would do it all over again. We are blessed to have been gifted with Tristan. I hope one day to write this all down.
Enjoy a glimpse into the early days of our new adventure!
Quarantine. Pandemic. Shelter in place. These words mean a lot to many of us. In Tristan’s world not so much. His routine has changed but many aspects of his life remain the same. He is not worried about much. His main concern is food. Overall he is content. But when he is bored…watch out! He will create his own entertainment. Here is one example.
This was one of the latest updates I received from his group home.
